Speechless
by Cataclysmic Eclipse
Summary: For the first time in his life Zevran was speechless. He had no desire for his fair Warden to die but just how was he to convince her not to sacrifice herself? Zevran x Surana


_A/N: The idea came to me since I did want to talk to Zevran about the whole Dark Promise thing, but it wasn't an option in game then it kind of evolved from there. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Age, nor the Lady GaGa song I named this story after._

_

* * *

_

_Speechless_

_The weather is mocking us, of this I am sure of_, Zevran thought as he leant against the cold stone ledge that overlooked the open courtyard where the soldiers were finishing their final training. In the tales Leliana often spun by the fireside the weather before a harrowing battle would always be with clouds and rain and cold in order to "set the mood and to match the feelings of the heroes" or so he was told. The warm wind blew through his hair as he stretched his arms above himself and he turned his head to the side, hearing a loud _crack_. Somehow he was glad that the weather was fair in reality, it was very impractical, after all, to travel in the cold and wet before battling Darkspawn. He much preferred the pale blue skies and the sun which was unfortunately setting. The atmosph--familiar footsteps disrupted his thoughts which were so clumsy and loud that they were so obviously hers.

"Hello, my Grey Warden," he said without moving his gaze beyond the courtyard. Surely she would be amazed at him knowing it was her without aid of his eyes.

"How'd you know it was me?" her voice was conversational and she did not sound remotely amazed as he had hoped. Damn.

"I know enough of how to listen to other's movement and yours, my dear, are very distinguishable."

"I see," she said then a silence fell between them. He turned his gaze towards her, who now stood by his side with her slender hands resting on the ledge, and all the facial features of her dark-skinned beauty were downcast. He frowned. This should not be.

"You must admit that your movements are hardly graceful, this Circle Tower of yours does nothing to teach you how to move in such ways as to not attract attention. Ah, remember every time those bandits caught us by surprise? It was because of you, I know it."

"It wasn't 'cause of me," she said, though her tone was playful, and a smile curved her full lips. Now this was encouraging, she always had responded well to such light-hearted teasing. "You've got enough grace for the two of us, I figure I'll just leave all the sneaking around to you."

"Oh? So you admit that you are utterly dependent on my sheer awesomeness?"

She laughed. _Perfect. _"I'd say that it's you that's dependent on my sheer awesomeness. I mean, who's the one that can command the elements to do my bidding? Who's the one that decided not to kill you when we first met? Who's the one that saved you from that werewolf that almost ripped you to shreds? Oh, I could name so many more. You're practically useless, _my dear Zevran_," the last three words were spoken in a bad attempt at an Antivan accent and he could not help but chuckle.

"Tsk, such harsh words. I'm deeply hurt that you find me useless after all we've been through," his tone was the opposite of his words and it made her smile widen. "I happen to remember so many times when you were in need of my sheer awesomeness."

"That so? Like when?"

"That golem in the Deep Roads that seemed intent on crushing your head for instance," he said, his mind awhirl with how to keep her mind off of the unpleasant events with the Blight that were no doubt on her mind before. "I could name others but there is one that is most pressing."

"Oh?"

"You were terrible at first," Zevran said and need not specify more. It was blunt but at least it was guaranteed to distract her.

"Was not!" her voice held the tone of mock-offence. "You said that you loved it."

"I lied."

"Then why'd you keep on coming back?"

"I thought it would be best if I taught you the right way to pleasure the body. Zevran is the best teacher around, you know."

"Yeah right," she said, as she tilted her head like she did whenever she was really amused. "I had plenty of experience before you showed up, the Tower was a place for learning more then just magic."

"Hmm, you've got me there. Care to show me yet again of all of these delightful talents taught to you at the Tower?" he said as he brought an arm about her waist, feeling the course material of her robe against his skin.

"Oh, I don't know about that," she said while playfully moving out of his grasp. Playing hard to get, was she? "I'll think about it only if you admit that you were lying."

"Alright, I was, I thought it was obvious. Ah, but I suggest you should think on it quickly, the night hasn't even begun yet and it'd be best if we celebrated now so we could get plenty of sleep for tomorrow, yes?"

"Oh, right, tomorrow," the smile that had pervaded her entire face faded immediately. How strange, she had never looked that way before any battle but he supposed fighting an Archdemon could cause even her to lose her composure.

"Now, now, with our combined efforts of awesome we will surely win."

"Yeah, we definitely will," she said as she flashed him a small smile before she moved her gaze from his to look out at the straggling soldiers that were finishing their practice. Her whole stance had stiffened. This would not do. Zevran brought his hands to her shoulders, slowly and gently kneading the muscles that lay there.

"Your muscles, they are so taut and stiff. We could always continue this in your room--"

"My room? No, no way."

"What?" Zevran said, feeling an unexpected shock at the words. Was this payback for the times in the past where he denied her because of his confusion of his feelings? No, that made no sense, they were past that and she was anything but a vindictive woman.

"Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want to or anything it's just that, well, Morrigan's in there."

"Morrigan," he enunciated the name slowly, buying time to think of some sort of witty response. "I had no idea you had those kinds of tastes."

"I wouldn't cheat on--oh, you're kidding. Uh, never mind then," she said before she took a deep breath. So on edge was his Warden, how strange, he'd never seen her like this before. "Morrigan was in my room to tell me about something but I have no idea what to do about it, I mean, I think I do but I've no idea if it's the right choice. I feel so confused but I thought maybe if I talked to you it might help me sort out a few things."

"Well here I am. Let's hear it."

He felt her warm form lean against his own, and her head rest against his shoulder. "It's got something to do with what Riordan had to tell me," she said with her voice low as she cast a brief glance to where he knew guards were on duty.

"Ooh," he said with his voice equally as low and he brought his mouth to her elven ear, feeling a satisfaction at the trust implied in her words. "Would this so happen to be secret Grey Warden business that I am probably not supposed to know but am going to hear about anyway?

"Yes, exactly. Uh, maybe we should go somewhere a bit more private?"

"Hmm, I seem to recall this castle having a rather dank basement."

"Perfect, I remember the way," she said and she broke the gentle hold his hands had on her shoulders and turned to walk immediately towards the stairs that led to the courtyard.

_ Perfect? I was joking, _he thought as he quickly followed her down those steps and across the courtyard, careful not to get too far ahead of her clumsy steps. _There are plenty of inconsequential rooms here that we could have gone to instead. Something must really be wrong._ Zevran chanced a glance at her and her mouth was set in a firm frown and her brow was furrowed, he recognized those lines, they meant that she was in deep thought and not to be disturbed. Zevran was no fool, he knew better then to disrupt her thoughts even if it did make her face frown so. They reached the door quickly enough and she reached for the handle to open it before disappearing behind the darkness. He followed suit and closed the door behind him.

"I'll just be a moment, my dear, there is a certain door that needs to be dealt with so none listen in to us," he called down the darkened steps and she mumbled in affirmation.

Zevran's hand reached inside a leather pouch that hung at his waist and he rummaged around before he fingered the particular cold lock pick that he knew he needed for the door. It would be easy enough for him to lock it back up so that none inside the castle could open it, simple, really. He quickly brought it from his pouch and to the doorknob and used his practiced hands until he heard a welcome _click_. Satisfied he brought the thin sheet of metal back inside his pouch and quickly walked down the steps and soon reached the floor where she stood while looking at him uncomfortably.

"So what is it that you want to tell me?" he said as he walked to stand in front of her. "I must say I am curious."

She shot him a weak smile, before the frown returned. "I don't think there's any way to make this sound any better then it is so I'll just be blunt. There's a catch when it comes to slaying the arch demon. It has be a Grey Warden, for one thing, otherwise the thing won't die. Thing is when the Warden kills it then she, well--she dies along with it."

"What?" Zevran's eyes widened in shock and he involuntarily took a step towards her.

"Riordan said that he'd be the one to make the final blow, but he could fail. Since Alistair's king there's no way that I could let him do it so…there's a good chance that I could die when we reach Denerim. A fifty-fifty chance, actually."

For the first time in his life Zevran was speechless. Fear and concern and a myriad of other emotions for her came to him and felt his stomach drop and no witty response was on his tongue. She could die, he had never before thought that could actually happen. Part of him wanted nothing more then to kiss her fears away and to make her smile and to run from this all and let Alistair or Riordan deal with this dying business. She was staring up at him through her emotive brown eyes, worried for him no doubt. Ah, but that was what she was like: she was kind and strong and beautiful and smart and had so much to live for. She could do so much more then die for some--_Stop it Zevran_, he chastised himself harshly. These are foolish notions, the Archdemon needed to die and he knew that she would never be satisfied if they fled and she would never want to flee. He needed--

"Aren't you going to ask what Morrigan said?" her voice was softer now, and filled with empathy and sorrow. He felt a warm hand come to his own and squeeze his in comfort.

"I--I am sorry, it is just that this is a bit much," he said, attempting to recollect himself but the emotions wouldn't still within him. It made sense why she was acting so strangely now. "It's just that I don't hear something like this everyday."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," she shot him a small smile. "But Morrigan offered a way out of this, through some sort of magic ritual."

"Then take it," he said through a sigh of relief. "What are you waiting for?"

"Well, it's what this ritual actually entails that has that's had me wondering what to do. It really sounds like it's something that's going to come back and bite me in the ass later on."

He chuckled at her choice of words. "What ritual is this, exactly?"

"Morrigan needs me to convince Alistair since he hates her and would refuse flat-out if she asked him. It's some kind of magic sex ritual she has to do with a young male Grey Warden for it to work."

"Ooh, is that so? I wonder if we could join."

She gave a short laugh, and he smiled. "For some reason I don't think those two would be okay with that, not to mention that the ritual might not work if there's more then those two."

"Ah, life is full of such disappointments."

"That it is. Anyway, the result of this ritual is going to result in Morrigan being pregnant."

"Pregnant?" Zevran said sceptically. Never before did he see her as the motherly type and his mind filled with images of Morrigan. A Morrigan, fat with child making her revealing outfit look not in the least bit attractive. A Morrigan with a baby in her arms, screaming at it to stop crying. A Morrigan with a small child by her side, beating it with her staff for one misdemeanour or another. Was she so against child abuse that she would deny the request? He could see where--

"I should probably explain this more so it makes sense," she interrupted his thoughts and all of the images of Morrigan shattered in his mind. "When the Archdemon dies, the soul of it reaches out to the nearest person with the taint and it then destroys the soul inside of the Grey Warden along with itself. Morrigan says that if she's pregnant with a baby with the taint, the arch demon's soul will go into that instead of me--uh, the Grey Warden."

"What's the problem then?" he said as he squeezed her hand. "It sounds like a good deal to me."

"But Morrigan wants to raise a child with the soul of the Archdemon, the soul of an old god. I like her and everything but whatever she wants to do with it, or whatever it may do, is going to be a bit messed up."

"Ah, I see. You're worried about Morrigan's plans for this child and that something dire may happen were the Archdemon to live inside this baby."

"Yes, that's exactly it. I'm glad you understand," she said and gave him a grateful smile but it quickly disappeared. He wanted to see this smile longer then just a few days, but he must choose his words carefully. Losing himself now could very well result in losing her and every emotion in him was screaming for this to never happen. "What if the baby remembers being an arch demon and wants to raise up another army of Darkspawn again? What if the baby ends up, I don't know, killing ridiculous amounts of people for some reason? I don't know if any of that would happen but the whole thing just seems kind of…sketchy."

"But if you deny this request, no matter how "sketchy" it may seem--"

"Yeah, I'll probably die," she said it so calmly but her lips quivered slightly so that he knew that she was holding back and he wanted nothing more then to make those feelings disappear. "I'm younger and stronger then Riordan, I know that it's a big possibility."

"Do you want to die?" his tone was soft and low, but her eyes were now quickly shaped in a panic.

"No, of course not! I don't want to die, I never have. What I want is to stay alive and be with you. I'd like to rebuild the Grey Wardens in Fereldan, I've been thinking about it a lot lately since I made Alistair king, it's just going to be me from here on out."

"I can think of no one finer for the job but you will not be as alone as you may think. I'm, sure that there's a thing or two that I could do to help you."

"I'd like that," she said with a true smile and she squeezed his hand and his heart leapt in hope. Perhaps she realized how foolish it was to-- "Things might not be that simple, though."

"Isn't it? Does it really matter what happens to Morrigan or this baby? In all likelihood she'll leave us alone and go off and do all those witchly things she does best."

"Hey, how'd you know she told me she'd leave us alone?"

"What can I say? I'm just that awesome," he said and she smiled at him yet again.

"To answer your question, I--I must admit I am tempted. I really am. Part of me just wants to convince Alistair to do the ritual and to be on with my life, but it just doesn't feel right for some reason."

"You'll get over that feeling, I'm sure. Yo--" he stopped himself. He could not just give her advice like that

"What is it, Zevran? You haven't really been speaking your mind that much, not that I'm not grateful for you listening but I know that you must have an opinion on all this."

His mind was screaming at him to tell her to make this blasted ritual happen and to be done with it but he shut it out of his mind. This was her life and her choice, was it not? What right did he have to tell her what to do, this possessiveness did not sit well within him and yet...

"You want to know what I think? Fine. What I want is for you to have this ritual done and over with and to hell with the consequences. I do not want this, whatever this is between us, to end just yet and I _do not _want you to die. This future of yours that you just described, I want that to happen instead of you dying just because you're far to stubborn for your own good. Is this what you wanted, hmm? For me to play the part of the angry lover? Well there you go, I am angry."

She stared at him for a good long while and the frown and furrowed brow returned, and he knew that she was thinking about what he had said. He shifted from foot to foot and crossed his arms across his chest. The anger inside of him was slow to fade, and remnants remained in him yet he did not regret the words as he thought he would have.

"I don't think I've ever seen you that angry before."

"I don't enjoy it."

"I can imagine. I didn't say all that to make you angry, you know. I just wanted to know what you thought about all this. Your opinion is very important to me," she said with her voice so soft and somehow he found all of the anger disappear from him. Just how could she do that? "You've been so good to me, I really don't want to hide things from you."

"I--thank you," he said, unsure of how to respond to such open trust and sincerity that ran through her words. "Does this mean that you've come to a decision?"

She nodded, sending waves through her short bob of dark hair. "Talking to you about all the pros and cons of decisions instead of just thinking about it myself always has been the best way to go, I hope you don't mind. Couldn't have been easy to talk about this with me."

"Ah, it wasn't as terrible as you may think."

"Good," she gave him a small smile. "I've decided that I'm going to go through with this ritual for Alistair and Morrigan. I think that it's the best option out of terrible ones, and besides…it doesn't hurt to be selfish once in awhile."

"I couldn't agree more," Zevran said and relief flooded through him and an elation replaced it.

Her brown eyes were unreadable to him and she moved closer, her warmth now replacing the cold of the basement. A warm hand came to his face, thumbing his cheek.

"Thank you so much, _mi amora_," she whispered to him, and he shivered in need at how lovely she sounded in his native tongue. He made a mental note to teach her more of it later. "For putting up with me and this unpleasant Grey Warden business. For everything, really."

Before he realized quite what had come over him his lips were on hers and her hands were buried in his hair, her fingers moving in small circles against his scalp in the ways that he loved and sent pleasure through him. His arms pressed her slight form as tightly against his body as he could muster, and even though the coarse material of her robe irritated the skin of his arm he did not care. Her lips moved more fiercely against his own and her tongue persisted against his own lips wanting entry but he did not yield. Instead he brought his lips to the edge of her own before they were on her cheek, her jawbone and finally to her neck. He pressed her lips strongly and moved his tongue against her soft skin that tasted of fine soaps from the castle stores. She let out a soft moan and her body curved against his own as her legs wrapped about his hips, so that she depended only on the strength of his arms to keep her from falling.

"I--I need…to go," she said hoarsely. "Talk to Alistair."

"If you insist, _mi amora_," he whispered, mimicking the affectionate name that she had spoken to him, before nibbling on the ridge of her ear that caused her to moan in what he _knew_ was ecstasy. "I'll be in my room when you're done. I trust you won't be long."

"Wouldn't dream of it," she said, and she began to move her legs away from his hips, but he kept his arms firm in their hold.

"Ah, it would be such a shame to waste those long legs on such needless exertions such as walking," he said as he brought a hand from her back to caress the soft skin of her legs that revealed themselves from her robes which were now riding up considerably higher then they should. "I trust you have no objections to me carrying you to Alistair's room?"

She threw her head back as she laughed, letting him see the mark upon her dark neck where he had suckled. He did good work, he must say. "I think I like this idea. Our little group could use something good to gossip about."

"But haven't we always been the object of their gossip?"

"Of course, but we've never done anything this overt before," she said and her eyes were warm with amusement. "Oh, but what about the door? Can you carry me and unlock the door at the same time?"

"I am a man of many talents, my dear. I think I will manage," he said as he moved his hand from her thigh back to her own back where he could securely carry her without fear of her falling. _It's a good thing mages have no need of muscles. It makes her so much lighter_, Zevran thought absently as he began to walk across the floor and up the steps. He felt warm lips come to his own neck and his movements slowed.

"Oh, don't stop on my account."

"You're going to make this exceedingly difficult."

"I thought you said you were a man of many talents," she said, with her lips brushing against his neck and her warm breath teasing his skin. "I'm sure you can handle it if you really, _really _concentrate."

She nipped his skin lightly with her teeth and brought her tongue against it. Oh, she knew exactly how to convince him.

"Far be it for me to argue with you. Just do not be surprised if you are to tumble to the ground if you prove to be too much of a distraction."

"I think that's a risk I'm more then willing to make," she said, pressing her lips against his skin yet again and he chuckled as he continued up his steps. It may be difficult, but it was worth it and he knew that if he had this to look forward to in the years to come he'd gladly carry her like this the whole way to Denerim.


End file.
